How do you know when to get marriage counseling? It used to be that when you get married, you are not going into it thinking that you’re going to need to get counseling. But, for many people, that is exactly what ends up happening. In fact, counseling has become such a common activity for couples that almost half of the couples getting married now go to some type of marriage counseling before the big day. Here we have signs that you can look for to help you decide when to get marriage counseling with your spouse.
When To Get Marriage Counseling
- You are not talking. Chances are that if you have a challenge in your relationship, it is because of communication. Marriage counselors can help you to find new and easier ways to communicate. This is something that can be tough to do on your own. Once you start down the no communication road, it is difficult to get back going the right direction.
- The communication is always negative. This would include any situations when one person in the relationship feels like they are being judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure, or wanting out of the conversation. Don’t forget about your tone. This can also cause and interaction to be negative. Remember, it is not just what you say — it is how you say it. An atmosphere of negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse and-or non-verbal communication.
- One of you is afraid to talk. If either of you is scared to bring up any issue — anything from sex to money to small pet peeves, this might be when to get marriage counseling. The job of the therapist is to help couples clearly identify their issues so each of them understands what they are truly talking about.
- If affection is being withheld as a punishment. This should be an equal partnership. So, if one person begins to act like a parent or punisher to the other, there is a lack of balance in the relationship.
- One partner is an antagonist. The two of you are supposed to be on a team. If it feels like you are on opposing sides, then it is probably time to talk things out in counseling.
- No secrets. Of course, you both have a right and need your privacy for some things. However, when one or both of you is keeping secrets from the other, you’ll know that there is something that is off.
- Are you thinking about or already having an affair? If this is the case, it is a sure sign that you have a desire for something that is missing from what you currently have. An affair does not have to be the end of your relationship. However, it will probably require some counseling help. When both people in a relationship commit to therapy and participate with honesty, the marriage can be saved. Or, counseling might be the way for you both to come to terms with the end of the relationship.
- Money problems. For some, financial secrets and indiscretions might be even more hurtful than having an affair. When one person in the relationship is controlling everything related to finances or is keeping the other person in the dark — communication is needed. Both of you need to have responsibility for and knowledge of the finances. If either person has a problem with that, you might want to seek out professional help.
- All you want is for the other person to change. The only thing you have control over is yourself. You can’t force your partner to change. The sooner you realize that, the better. A professional can help you at least know and understand who you are and what you need.
- Living separate lives. Sometimes couples become more like roommates than happily married spouses. This may be when to get marriage counseling. It doesn’t mean that either party is doing something wrong, but if you aren’t spending time together, it can be easy to lack communication and intimacy. Marriage counselors can help you to get that back.
- Any major change in your sex life may be a sign that something is off. It is normal for sex to slow down for couples that have been together for a while, but if something changes for one or both or you, it is time to examine the relationship.
- Repeating the same argument over little things might be when to get marriage counseling. We all have our own pet peeves — things that bother us, but don’t really matter to other people. This can be anything from folding laundry to the way we use toothpaste or anything else. In many cases, your spouse may not understand how these pet peeves lead to fights about other things as well. Talking with a therapist can help you both get to the bottom of these situations.
- Do you have ongoing relationship issues? In every relationship, there are issues that come up. Sometimes these things linger with no resolution. It could be anything from having kids to religion or anything else. For some couples, these challenges cannot be overcome without the assistance of a third party who is neutral.
Having Marriage Trouble? — Marriage Quest Can Help
Anybody having issues that would like to try to improve their relationship and-or marriage should consider giving Marriage Quest a try. A private intensive couple-to-couple retreat is a highly effective way for couples to understand and resolve their problems. This can work no matter where you are in your relationship — at a crisis and crossroad, hoping for a deeper intimate connection, or somewhere in between.
Many times, couples turn to Marriage Quest after there has been an emotional or sexual affair. Typically, one person desires a divorce and one wants to save the relationship. If this sounds like your situation and you decide this is when to get marriage counseling — the professionals at Marriage Quest will get to the root of your problems and help you explore the options before making your important decision.
Marriage Quest therapists will help you advocate for marriage, but not at any price. Their objective is to support both people in the relationship and your relationship goals while helping to enhance your relationship. This husband and wife team has been counseling couples and hosting marriage retreats for more than 25 years. They have been trained in marriage therapy, marriage repair, intimacy, and sexuality. Whether it is to renew and awaken your fading love, repair a marriage that is ready to fall apart, or make a major relationship decision, our couple-to-couple intensive marriage retreat can help you gain insights into your personal situation while teaching you healthy communication skills to keep your discussions focused and fair.